May 2009
120 posts
the point of it all was
to love and be loved, but somewhere we forgot the point and started messing around with fools in king’s clothing, while the emperor was left with nothing to wear
(i wish i had dignity like him to parade around at my emotional barest, but i don’t. i don’t).
i want to save the lines, but i don’t know if this ship is going down.
these are reactions to the actions to the reactions to the actions. it was the high and mighty that fell first, the quick knock knock knock on the door of your subconscious. we breathe in colors we’ve never seen, talked in words we’ve never heard. when the floodgates broke, we cried out to gods that were never there. “look how you made us! we were doomed from the...
“porn stars in love
never made no sense.”
greedy suction sloppy tongue eager noises.
half written shitty romance notes. boys like you don’t need girls like me.
i watch dark shapes move beneath my skin. i wonder if you feel this too. st-st-stuttering half sentences into the edge of your hip and wondering when this went so wrong.
i know the rules. i know how to make them, to break them, to follow them. i know the rules, but i don’t know you.
it took time for me to shine, but i figured it out, i figured it out.
my head doesn’t work like yours. i think in stilted words and narratives no one else understands. i stopped sharing after a while. there was no one willing to really listen.
i will live vicariously through the trees and pretend that they are singing to you.
love is selfish and hard and it hurts and yet we still strive so hard for it.
my skin feels a little stretched thin this time around. i wonder if you ever feel the same.
she was the wall you could never climb and i was the tree planted too far from the wall to help you.
remember last semester when you all basically let me drink an entire bottle of vodka and then you said, “you seem sadder around the edges,” and i just laughed, drunk, and lit another cigarette? yeah, that.
“i wonder if you think about me like i think about you.”
i miss how you pressed your smiles against my frowns and made it seem like the world could end and it would be okay.
i miss the way you smell. cologne and peppermint and the slightly stale tobacco scent. and how you pressed your shirts but your jeans were always frayed at the edges. how you were perfect, but not really.
i never believed a filthy word you said. i never believed a filthy word you said.
remember when the act of breaking rules was calculated, cold, how far could you push and how much you could get away with? then somewhere it switched and you didn’t realize you were breaking rules, what you were doing was wrong, and when they yelled slurs at you confusion wasn’t the only thing on your mind. and then it was something familiar, breaking rules because that was the ...
there are conversations we need to end. i can’t remember who started avoiding who, or if it even matters anymore.
it isn’t love, because love is supposed to be selfish and hard and you aren’t any of those things.
i can’t meet your eyes in the dark. i can’t meet my own in the light.
maybe the thought is nicer than the act.
“i only think about you with my eyes closed.”
we’re going to be hypnotic together, just you wait.
sometimes, people have to take fate into their own hands. other times, they have to get restraining orders.
“i’m compiling a list of things that make you smile.”
my skin doesn’t fit right when you’re around. i’m not sure what that means yet.
i’m not afraid of the falling in love part. i’m afraid of the “making it work” part and the “forever” part.
“landscapes don’t stare back.”
i am not asking for mercy. i am asking for more.
this place changed my life forever. the people, the trees, the you and me. the sun on our face and the feeling i got when you told me this couldn’t last forever.
we were never meant to be your idols, we are false, false, false and your god is left fumbling with matchsticks.
tell me now, i’ll whisper it against your skin.
“i don’t know the formula for success,
but i can tell you the formula for...”
she stops, wide-eyed, caught in the act, and says, “you always come in at the worst times.” the boy beneath her struggles to sit up, face flushed. he stands at the door, mouth parted, says, “or are they the best times?”
so yes, i’m bitter. but don’t i have reason enough to be?
i find i love you most in all the wrong ways. best friends were never meant to be lovers.
this is the best solution for the worst possible situation.
there’s a difference between guiding and forcing her hand.
you’re no stranger, but this is strange still.
“i will shine for you always.”
i could fall in love with words and been none the wiser.
here’s the thing: i’m pretty self-confident. but even people who have confidence in themselves have moments of weakness.
“nearly all of my decisions are impulse decisions.”
if i ever get married, it will be some random spur of the moment thing. no engagement period, just some silly shotgun wedding. i’ll wear a sundress and he can wear a button up shirt. the happiest marriages i know of aren’t based on love. they’re based on being able to stand being around each other.
i’m not naive enough to think that marriage is based on love anymore.
so i’m a bitch for saying the things you don’t want to hear. tought shit, kid.
unfortunately, i’m not some stupid girl and you’re just a faceless boy.